3 things:
yes, it is totally normal to feel the way you are feeling.
no, you will not always feel this way.
yes, it will get easier!
You are dealing with some of the hardest things you have ever faced
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Men, this note is for you. I know she seems strong. She's needed to be strong her whole life. As a child she needed to hide her feelings. As a teenager she had to ward off nasty girls and vulgar boys. But now she has you.
You are her safe place.
The thing she desires most from you is to simply be there with her, to let her be soft and to tell her it's going to be ok. See, the thing is, she carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. She feels the pain of others intensely. Even if she doesn't show it. She may seem angry, but she's probably hurt. She needs your strength. She may not even realize it. She may even resent it. But she needs you to be strong. Not a false strong, not a fake macho kind of strong. Real strength is being man enough to let her be the woman she was created to be and to embrace being the man you were created to be. Not sure what that looks like? Ask your creator.
Ladies, this note is for you. The thing he wants most is to be your protector. I know the world has told you that you don't need a protector. And you don't. But don't you just want to collapse into his arms and let him hold you and tell you it's going to be ok? Don't you just want to let it all out. Aren't you tired of holding it all in? Holding it all together?
I need to let you in on a secret. Those shoulders of his, they were designed to carry it. You may think that he's insensitive. But actually, he's strong. Here's the thing. You both embody your creator. You embody the soft and compassionate. You feel deeply and intensely. He embodies strength and justice. He also feels deeply and intensely. However, he was given the strength to carry it. You get to kiss boo boos and wipe away tears. He was made to fight the battles. Please don't take that as dismissive, demeaning or to say that you are anything lesser than him. I mean it as blessing. You get to feel the feelings, you get to be soft. Perhaps, like me, somewhere along the line, you learned that you couldn't. But that is a lie. The most beautiful thing happens when we embrace our softness and his strength.
I need to let you in on a secret. Those shoulders of his, they were designed to carry it. You may think that he's insensitive. But actually, he's strong. Here's the thing. You both embody your creator. You embody the soft and compassionate. You feel deeply and intensely. He embodies strength and justice. He also feels deeply and intensely. However, he was given the strength to carry it. You get to kiss boo boos and wipe away tears. He was made to fight the battles. Please don't take that as dismissive, demeaning or to say that you are anything lesser than him. I mean it as blessing. You get to feel the feelings, you get to be soft. Perhaps, like me, somewhere along the line, you learned that you couldn't. But that is a lie. The most beautiful thing happens when we embrace our softness and his strength.
Most women have no idea what real self care is and the current trend of self care is actually doing more harm than good. There are so many marketers out there right now selling us all kinds of crap claiming that "you deserve to pamper yourself". However, rather than nourishing your body, you end up over loading it with toxins and chemicals that the liver and kidneys need to break down, which leaves you tired and weak. Rather than building up your mind and spirit you end up spending way to much on something that doesn't last. You are left frustrated, tired and broke
Read more...A few years ago I listened to "the Hiding Place" on Audible. It's the true story of Corrie TenBoom. During the second world war she and he family hid Jews from the Nazi soldiers. When found out she, her sister and their elderly father were hauled off to a prison camp and eventually shipped off in a livestock train to a concentration camp. The novel recounts unbelievable details of the life they experienced there. One of the first things that struck me was when they were shipped off in the livestock train. The car had been filled with 40 women, yet they continued to load them in until there were 80 women packed in, standing, chest to back, for hours until they reached the camp where they were starved and abused. Despite all of this, Corrie's sister Betsy managed to remain positive and often found things to be grateful for, things that most would never chose to be grateful for. Miraculous gratitude.
At one point Betsy encourages everyone to remain thankful for life and even prays and thanks God for the lice in their filthy sleeping quarters. Corrie scoffs at he sister when she thanks God for the lice but is thankful for the shift in attitude amongst the women who had been quarrelling. Years later Corrie discovered that the lice had actually kept the guards away, allowing the women to talk and sing and read their Bible, which had given them hope and purpose in that dark place. Betsy dies in that camp. She never learns this information herself. Yet she makes the decision to the thankful nonetheless.
I don't know about you but my life is pretty fantastic compared to Betsy's. I am reminded of this often when I am tempted to grumble about my life and how hard I think it is. I need this perspective to keep me from grumbling and complaining, which just brings misery.
So todays I challenge you to go beyond being grateful. It's easy to list off things without allowing ourselves to really appreciate them. Today I challenge you to be thankful for something you would typically complain about. Something that may even make you miserable.
I've noticed an incredible thing happens when we choose to be thankful for things we typically would complain about. It shifts how we see that thing. It gives us an ability to see the good in a thing. Even in really ugly, messy things.
As I write this I am convicted of a few things that I have been grumbling about. I've actually gotten to a place where I can see the good that comes from the really hard things. The big things that have changed my life. It's actually the mundane things that I have allowed to cause me so much grief. The lego scattered down the hallway and across my sons floor, the shoes strewn across the lawn, the tiny porch that doesn't have enough storage for all the shoes that a family of 6 needs. The rain that threatens to drown our crops. The annoying email I received from a family member who meant well...... are any of these things on your list?
So today I'm choosing to be thankful for all of these things. It's amazing how my mindset shifts when I choose to be thankful for them. I automatically look for the ways that these things can be beneficial in my life. And all of a sudden they don't frustrate me any longer.
So head over to your self care journal. You may need an extra sheet of paper for this one! List off a few of those things that have been bothering you, choose to be grateful for them, what do you notice change in you?
Bless you friend!
Listen to the amazing true story yourself. Listen to The Hiding Place for free here
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