Men, this note is for you. I know she seems strong. She's needed to be strong her whole life. As a child she needed to hide her feelings. As a teenager she had to ward off nasty girls and vulgar boys. But now she has you.
You are her safe place.
The thing she desires most from you is to simply be there with her, to let her be soft and to tell her it's going to be ok. See, the thing is, she carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. She feels the pain of others intensely. Even if she doesn't show it. She may seem angry, but she's probably hurt. She needs your strength. She may not even realize it. She may even resent it. But she needs you to be strong. Not a false strong, not a fake macho kind of strong. Real strength is being man enough to let her be the woman she was created to be and to embrace being the man you were created to be. Not sure what that looks like? Ask your creator.
Ladies, this note is for you. The thing he wants most is to be your protector. I know the world has told you that you don't need a protector. And you don't. But don't you just want to collapse into his arms and let him hold you and tell you it's going to be ok? Don't you just want to let it all out. Aren't you tired of holding it all in? Holding it all together?
I need to let you in on a secret. Those shoulders of his, they were designed to carry it. You may think that he's insensitive. But actually, he's strong. Here's the thing. You both embody your creator. You embody the soft and compassionate. You feel deeply and intensely. He embodies strength and justice. He also feels deeply and intensely. However, he was given the strength to carry it. You get to kiss boo boos and wipe away tears. He was made to fight the battles. Please don't take that as dismissive, demeaning or to say that you are anything lesser than him. I mean it as blessing. You get to feel the feelings, you get to be soft. Perhaps, like me, somewhere along the line, you learned that you couldn't. But that is a lie. The most beautiful thing happens when we embrace our softness and his strength.
I need to let you in on a secret. Those shoulders of his, they were designed to carry it. You may think that he's insensitive. But actually, he's strong. Here's the thing. You both embody your creator. You embody the soft and compassionate. You feel deeply and intensely. He embodies strength and justice. He also feels deeply and intensely. However, he was given the strength to carry it. You get to kiss boo boos and wipe away tears. He was made to fight the battles. Please don't take that as dismissive, demeaning or to say that you are anything lesser than him. I mean it as blessing. You get to feel the feelings, you get to be soft. Perhaps, like me, somewhere along the line, you learned that you couldn't. But that is a lie. The most beautiful thing happens when we embrace our softness and his strength.
7 years ago I discovered how powerful essential oils can be for dealing with stress. My then, 18 month old son nearly drowned in our dugout. As the police left that afternoon he handed my husband a card for Mental Health and told him I would need it. I share my full story here in a video
Hard things are a part of life. And the beautiful thing about the hard things is that they have the ability to develop beauty and wisdom and strength in us.
This, however, is a choice. We have all seen people who have been through hard things who are bitter and angry and miserable to be around. Is that who you want to become? I'm going to assume that if you are here you desire more than that for yourself and your family.
Hard things are a part of life. And the beautiful thing about the hard things is that they have the ability to develop beauty and wisdom and strength in us.
This, however, is a choice. We have all seen people who have been through hard things who are bitter and angry and miserable to be around. Is that who you want to become? I'm going to assume that if you are here you desire more than that for yourself and your family.
Keep this in mind as you face the hard things in life, remind yourself that you can allow this challenge you face, to make you stronger, wiser and more gracious, or you can let it make you bitter, anxious and miserable.
When I returned home with my 18 month old son after spending a night in the hospital to ensure he would fully recover, I knew I didn't want to be afraid or anxious. I am rather high strung to begin with. Now I had triggers that set me off on top of it. I had a choice. I could allow those things to trigger me and be an excuse to be a basket case, or I could take control.
I chose to take control. I researched how I could use the oils to calm that physical and emotional response that I had and whenever something triggered me, I would apply the oils to calm my physical responses. This enabled me to better control my emotions and my thoughts. Rather than focussing on the fear and the image of death that I would see in my mind, I reminded myself that we were safe. My son is ok, that the image in my mind is actually an image of life. Over time, I stopped having such a strong response to the things that had been triggering me. One month later we were able to go swimming at the local pool and I felt completely peaceful. Two months later we went swimming at the lake. I sat on the beach and watched my children play in the water, completely in awe of the fact that I was able to fully enjoy our time there.
Can you see how this may help you when dealing with the hard things you are facing? Let me break it down for you.
Can you see how this may help you when dealing with the hard things you are facing? Let me break it down for you.
Step 1: Find oils that you notice sooth and calm you.
Step 2: When triggered, apply the oils and allow your body and mind to relax. Now Remind yourself of the "other side" of the situation. If you are fearful, remind yourself that you are safe. If you are angry, give yourself space to process that emotion and break it down.
Take a minute now to consider one of the stressors that is causing the most pain right now.
What is it? Write it down in your Real Self Care journal.
Now consider what the other side of it could be. What is the opposite of what you are feeling and dealing with? What do you want to feel about the situation? That is what you will focus on as you apply the oils. You can do this without the oils, I just found it so much more effective with the oils.
I recognize that this isn't easy. You are not dealing with easy things. I can almost hear you saying, "ya but Katherine, you don't know what I'm dealing with"
You're right, I don't. But you said you didn't want to be bitter and miserable right? So this is where you make the choice to focus on what you want to see and think and feel, rather than all the negative things you already are thinking and feeling.
I recognize that this isn't easy. You are not dealing with easy things. I can almost hear you saying, "ya but Katherine, you don't know what I'm dealing with"
You're right, I don't. But you said you didn't want to be bitter and miserable right? So this is where you make the choice to focus on what you want to see and think and feel, rather than all the negative things you already are thinking and feeling.
You can do this!
Bless you friend!
When you are ready, here are 3 ways I can help you beat stress:
Grab your Free Self Care Guide
Grab your Complete & Empowered Real Self Care workbook
I don't know who needs to hear this right now, maybe it's just me.
But in case I'm not the only one, I'm going to share this here to let you know that you are not alone in all this.
The last 8 or so weeks have been incredibly challenging. There have been ups and downs, immense blessing and painful frustration. Initially, when the world stopped, part of me was relieved. I was released from all of the extra obligations that I had committed to. We were able to slow down and connect as a family in a way we never have before. My children have bonded closer than ever. My children have had time to build and create and explore, to be children. This is something I highly value.
But then we need to leave our home and enter the world that has completely changed. A world where we are afraid to get too close to anyone. A world that is completely divided. Many of us are afraid that we, or our loved ones, are going to get terribly ill. Many of us are afraid that something much darker is going on. So we walk single file through the Red Apple, holding our own hands so as not to offend, infect or be infected. We grab our kids a pair of sandals, because they have not quit growing, and we head out as quick as possible. We hurry home where there is at least some semblance of normal.
But home is no longer normal either. Everything has changed there too. Some changes are good. Some are painful. And so we find ourselves in survival mode.
"There's no tired like pandemic tired" a friend shared with me this morning via a Marco Polo video. I had sent her a message yesterday admitting I just couldn't shake the tired. I have been doing everything that I know to do to the best of my abilities right now, and I just feel exhausted. And so today I am giving myself permission to be in survival mode. I'm looking at the situation around me, extending myself an extra measure of grace and accepting the state I am in. What does this mean?
Does it mean that I give in and give up? Crawl back into bed and sleep this off? No, even though that sure sounds good right about now, it means that I have to readjust. I readjust my expectations and my priorities.
I believe that everything happens for a purpose. Everything that happens can make us stronger and wiser. If we are willing to learn from it. However, I have to be intentional about considering everything as an opportunity to learn and grow.
I was resenting "survival mode". I hate survival mode. I hate the way I feel and the way I preform in survival mode. I want to wake up everyday filled with energy and joy. I want to float into the kitchen and make my children a delicious and nutritious meal. I want to gracefully and patiently teach my children their school lessons. I want to make play dough and plant my garden in perfect rows. I want to keep my home clean and tidy. I want to read books and go for bike rides. I want to raise chickens and build a coop. I want my children to learn powerful life lessons. I want to do my hair and make up and look like a goddess when my husband comes home at 11:00pm from field work. I want to prepare a delicious meal when he arrives. I WANT to do all these things because I love my family and want to be everything they need me to be right now because I know that they too are in their own survival mode.
I was resenting "survival mode". I hate survival mode. I hate the way I feel and the way I preform in survival mode. I want to wake up everyday filled with energy and joy. I want to float into the kitchen and make my children a delicious and nutritious meal. I want to gracefully and patiently teach my children their school lessons. I want to make play dough and plant my garden in perfect rows. I want to keep my home clean and tidy. I want to read books and go for bike rides. I want to raise chickens and build a coop. I want my children to learn powerful life lessons. I want to do my hair and make up and look like a goddess when my husband comes home at 11:00pm from field work. I want to prepare a delicious meal when he arrives. I WANT to do all these things because I love my family and want to be everything they need me to be right now because I know that they too are in their own survival mode.
But those expectations are e.x.h.a.u.s.t.i.n.g. aren't they?
So I get up and take some time to sit with a hot beverage. I make sure my kids and I have eaten something. I get them going on their school work and I bounce around the house, starting a load of laundry, running the dishwasher, making sure the baby hasn't escaped, answering the school work questions, loading the schoolwork online, making the videos, message the teachers, slap on some mascara, toss together some sandwiches. Then I try get the baby down for a nap, when that fails, we go outside. We plant the garden in crooked rows ( I'm pretty sure I planted the carrots on top of the potatoes) And now, because my eyelids are so heavy I just want to crawl back into bed, however, I choose to sit in the swing and watch the kids play.
And this, this is why I'm thankful for the fatigue.
You see, I'm a do-er. If I have energy, if I feel like doing something. There is n.o s.t.o.p.p.i.n.g m.e.
I go and go and go until I crash. However, thanks to the fatigue, I am forced to slow down.
To let go of perfection and embrace the life I have, and all that is in it.
So, if right now, you find yourself in survival mode. I encourage you to ask youself, "how is this survival mode" FOR me. How is it helping me. Ask this question with an open mind, being wiling to see the beauty in it.
Stop fighting it. Accept it. And learn from it.
Perhaps, like me, it is causing you to slow down, readjust and reprioritize.
Perhaps it is giving you a chance to notice something that you may have otherwise missed.
Perhaps it is teaching you something
Perhaps it is making you stronger
Perhaps this season of survival mode is exactly what you need right now.
And when it feels like too much, reach out. Connect. You may be isolated right now, but you are not alone <3
Bless you friend!
When you are ready, here are 3 ways I can help you beat stress:
Grab your Free Self Care Guide
Grab your Complete & Empowered Real Self Care workbook
Check out this video where I share a bit of my personal story
